I learned three new important things in New York this past weekend:

A) Should you unwisely decide to use the public restroom in Washington Square, make sure there are no holes in the stall wall through which you can observe homeless women congregating to smoke crack in the middle of the afternoon. I would advise anyone in that situation to either move to another stall where the door closes at least 80% of the way or soil herself outside. Men clearly need not heed this advice as they can spray it where they please. I for one would rather suffer embarrassment for having wet my pants than die at the hands of cracked-out bitches.

B) Williamsburg now resembles U Street five years ago…this means the hipsters will leave Williamsburg in five years. This also means that Tiya and Aaron were right to warn me against mouthing off to the driver of the red Jeep in the White Castle drive-thru at 2AM. Though I felt immortal due to liquid courage, in retrospect, I am glad I did not get shot. We were on foot and seriously contemplated hiring a cab to get our Harold & Kumar-esque fix. You sunk my battleshit.

C) The “cool kids” all go out in the East Village now, as observed by Dan when we were cruising the Village/Meatpacking District looking for a spot to continue boozing. This area was selected for home-commute convenience. Of course, when I went to the East Village, and mind you, I realize this area has always been crowded, I was distinctly reminded of Adams Morgan minus the overbearing reek of suburban sensibilities. This may be due to my apparent preference for and comfort with socializing in “up-and-coming” areas - give me drug dealers and hipsters any day over chicks wearing Tori Burch flats and/or babydoll tops that make them look pregnant. It may also be that I just hate crowds. Or “cool kids.”

Basically, the conclusion I reached this weekend is that it’s not just only in DC that I feel there’s nowhere to hang out. If this sense has permeated my NYC experience, there is only one reason: I AM GETTING OLD.

On a newsfront, some GrandCentral users, a whopping or mere 434 of them, are experiencing a headache, according to GigaOM. Also according to GigaOM, Aswath Rao (some VoIP expert/guru) reported this problem a month ago, but after reading his blog, I must admit that I am extremely stupid and have no idea what the hell he is talking about. So in the meantime I’ll just laugh hysterically at the possibility of one of my nerdy cousins being affected by this (they were sending out mass emails to the family about it being God’s gift).